While many NUS students often grapple with their endless assignments, there are some in our midst who balance their studies with the demanding tasks of parenthood.
Juggling parenthood with the rigours of campus life means that unpredictability and inconvenience are mainstays in their lives.
Priya Maholay-Jaradi, a South Asian studies doctoral student, is one of those parent-students. “Any kind of weekly or monthly work plan is difficult to adhere to. One has to factor in several unforeseen situations such as the child being sick,” She said.
Jaradi, who is expecting her second child in December, also said the campus lacks facilities and infrastructure for student mothers, such as designated spaces to feed babies, which would allow her to “participate more actively in campus life.”
Admitting that carrying books to and from the library is taxing for a pregnant woman like her, Jaradi suggested that the university could help by providing “trolleys for students who need special help.”
Despite the tough challenges they face, the student mothers have found that fulfilling their dual roles is a rewarding experience.
Watching their child grow, become more independent and be able to do new things over time is something no amount of money can ever buy or replace, said Dina Marie Delias, a graduate student in sociology.
“The most rewarding thing is seeing your child do things that you don’t expect,” Delias said.
Carol Soon, a doctoral student in Communications and New Media, has a 7-year-old son. “It (balancing work and family life) is very challenging and at times exhausting, but I don't think I would have it any other way,” she said.
“I enjoy playing an important role in my son's personal and mental development. His happy self, maturity and sensibility for his young age makes me feel that it is all worth it.”
For Jaradi, the experience of raising her son has been “lovely” despite many sleep-deprived nights.
“This journey appears to be very fulfilling now, as I realize that there could not have been a better time to upgrade myself academically and also experience the joys of motherhood,” she said.
Glenda Wui, a doctoral student in the sociology department, said parenthood instils values and imparts skills to her. “Motherhood has taught me a lot of virtues, especially patience, discipline, and being grateful, which are important in surviving student life or life in general.”
“I never thought I could have this much patience and discipline in juggling my studies and motherhood, but my son taught me all these.”
Delias, whose son is 7 months old, agreed with Wui. “You discover so many facets of yourself. I never thought I would be able to deal with a kid crying at night, but now I can.”
“It is challenging when you look back. It is fun. You realise aspects of your personality that you never knew of,” she said.
Jaradi said she has had to learn to multitask, something she thought she would never be able to do.
“I carry a book to the outdoor play area all the time. While my son is busy with his playmates, I read a little,” she said.
Student parents’ lifestyles differ significantly from their peers in NUS. The greater responsibilities they have mean more packed timetables and less time for leisure and personal pursuits.
“I think I don’t have a social life at NUS. I only know my classmates and some teaching assistants,” Wui said.
“When I attend a tea party for students, it’s like they are asking if I am from the department. But I constantly keep in touch with three to four Filipino students in my department to get study survival tips.”
Delias, who is in her first semester in NUS, said, “I cannot make arbitrary commitments, and I can’t just go out like other students. I have to know what I will be doing a week before.”
Jaradi agreed. “I am always envious of how they can spend more time to read and study and of course undertake longer, fun-filled fieldtrips.”
Balancing work with family life is of utmost importance to student parents and procrastination is simply not an option, as they have to plan their time well in advance.
“When my son is attending primary school, I have to be very disciplined and productive in my work,” Soon said.
Delias said that one of the key ingredients for balancing school and family is to “strategize and do careful planning, taking one day at a time.”
Having a supportive family is also important for these student parents.
“Because I am fortunate to have a supportive family, I don't feel that I have to make many sacrifices, although extra professional and social engagements require much forward planning and logistics coordination,” Soon said.
While parenting never comes easy for anyone, it takes special qualities to be able to reconcile the demands of raising a child with those of a university education. For Delias, “patience, understanding and flexibility” are attributes that are important for every student mother to possess. |
